He makes me want to throw myself into work and in a good way, because every time I think of him, I see the future and I know I want so badly to secure that, to be the best for him and us. So I need to be responsible for myself first. I need to find a balance of dependence and independence to equip myself, or us, with the strength to endure what the future holds.
They say realists are usually negative. Well I know that is really just what a negative person would say to validate their opinions, by claiming to be realists. I believe that your state of mind let's you see the choices you have to reach the goal. If you don't believe in your goal, you can't possibly believe in a real journey to reach it, can you?
I know that when I am alone, it is so hard to believe that I've found him, or he found me, but it just feels so natural when we're together. Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah.
I need to remember that always.
Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
When you're young and voicing out your opinions immediately makes you feel so smart and wise beyond your years. It's the selfish pride of having opinions, really. Sometimes utterly baseless. Sometimes filled with projections and anecdotes to satisfy a very biased perspective. Sometimes purely self-indulgent to the point of believing the path you are on is the only right path and anyone who agrees with you are also smart and wise and beyond their years.
A youth starts off tottering and jostled about by the current of objectivity. The innate urge to be 'awesome' and amount to something puts energy into your rebellious mind and you start to swim upstream, feeling all powerful against the current. But then again, my dear, all salmons swim upstream to die the same death.
Enter the point of believing you are the savior, the maverick, the hero everybody is waiting for. Your every word, every emotional outburst, every creation is a gift from God. You hold to that belief. They will start to see it your way. And then they'll be on the right path. Your ideas will stir the mass into an inspired confusion of admiration. Oh this what you see in your bubble of air, safe and sound from the "mass" but indifferent to those similarly trapped in their personal bubbles.
Come out, child. Burst your bubble. Don't worry much because the air is sweeter out here. Look around and realise that you are not alone. Everybody is in an infinitely wide pool, seemingly aimless but surely they swim to a point only they can see. Question them if you can't see what they see but never try to steer them to a course they do not need or want to go to. If you are lucky, they'll let you in for a while and you can sip a bit of their air in their flavour of choice. You might not like it but please be polite and take a taste. You might be surprised how flavours added to yours can create an entirely new and wonderful kind of vision.
Get high and visit their castles in the air and maybe your own will start to look more solid and real and no storm can break it away from that pinnacle of success you're climbing to.
Good luck. If you crash, fear not. Not everybody is stuck in their own bubble or floating aimlessly along the current. Sometimes you'll find another soul flitting around like you. If you crash, there'll be others to help you up, if you say please.
Good luck and think again and again.