Thursday, November 8, 2012

Problem solving.

The problem with surrounding ourselves with people who give compliments freely is that we are so pampered to the point of not budging from this comfort zone.

The problem with surrounding ourselves with people who give non-constructive criticism is that we are so deep inside a ditch we keep digging to disappear from their eyes to the point of not being able to get out and explore our true potential.

The problem with letting ourselves get caught by these people, well, is a problem we can solve by running away...

... to the people we know can help us build ladders with supportive and constructive criticism, the people we know truly understands our potential and our limits, the people we know knows us too well to let us falter with fear or malaise.

One of those people is the one we see in the mirror. :)

Friday, August 24, 2012

Things Left Unsaid.

I have tried and I must come to terms that there is no good out of all my efforts for you. 

I can choose to ignore your negativity because it has become detrimental to my own emotions. I see no point of looking for you because you are hazardous to the calm and peace of my life.

I've worked very hard to sustain serenity through confiding in Allah, trusting Allah and being forever grateful to Allah. I'm working very hard to keep progressing in this manner. I feel like this is the healthiest I have ever been emotionally and mentally. I don't need your worldly troubles and worries to invade this positive space I've created around me. 

I'm not shutting you out completely but please leave your bitterness and negativity outside before you enter my private space. Thank you.

God bless you surely yet I hope your heart is unveiled enough to realise how cruel you have been to forget His blessings.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Eid Mubarak

Eid Mubarak to friends, acquaintances and strangers. I apologise for all of my wrongdoings and faults, intentionally or unintentionally, physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm merely human and am grateful to be given another day to reflect and repent.

Eid ulFitri means many things literally. It could mean a celebration for the end of fasting. It could mean a celebration for paying your alms dutifully. It could also mean a celebration for personal progress.

Whichever it may be to us, I hope our Ramadhan was fruitful and full of barakah. May Syawal bring us victory and blessings.

May He grace us with His Love and Mercy and allow us another Ramadhan to celebrate. InsyaAllah. :)

Friday, August 17, 2012

Flowers in Progress

Drawing something abstract while doing Muhasabah (self-reflection) and Muraqabah (being watchful) is a good way of multi-tasking. I also knit and crochet. 

You don't need to have prayer beads to remember Allah. :)

Other things you can do while Muhasabah and Muraqabah
  • cook and bake
  • exercise
  • crafts - from sewing and quilting to woodwork and carpentry
  • any hobbies
It's nice to be productive while you review your spiritual and personal self. I hope this helps us all get closer to Allah.

Bismillah & insyaAllah.

Thursday, August 16, 2012


I've been making self-reflection a daily habit, most of the time during the few minutes before I go to sleep.

During the day and night, while we move along with our lives, whether we are alone or interacting with loved ones, acquaintances and strangers, we don't really have much time to reflect before and after our actions. I know that we should live life without regrets but a life without a single lesson learned must be truly wasted, don't you think so?

"Blessed is He who made the constellations in the heavens and made therein a lamp and a shining moon. And He it is Who made the night and the day to follow each other for him who desires to be mindful or desires to be thankful."
Al-Furqaan, 61-62.

We are taught and trained since very young to hone our deductive and mathematics skills. It sharpens our logical thinking. It heightens our intellectual prowess. It lets us understand cause and effect, and in turn lets us find valid solutions to get to a desired conclusion. Life is about constantly checking yourself, making sure you know your mistakes and making sure you don't repeat them. It's an innate mechanism of learning. That's how babies learn to understand sensations and emotions.

Most of the time, our lives are so fast-paced and we are from a generation that is more profit-driven than ever. Most of the things we do benefit ourselves more than others, even when it is intangible. It's a scary state of mind and personality.

I'm far from being a good person or Muslimah so I think a session of self-reflection daily would really help to put me back into humility and gratitude to Allah. How terrible it is to forget His every single blessing.

For all the sins and evils I've done, Astaghfirullahalazim.
For all the blessings I've received, Alhamdulillah.
For all the inspirations I've seen, Subhanallah.
For all the aspirations I have, InsyaAllah.

Ramadhan is going away again and I hope we all enter Syawal with the victory worthy of celebrating.  Eid Mubarak, everyone.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Of Early Education for Muslims

When I was young and went to the madrasah, we were told to Fear instead of Love Allah and to reap His rewards like collecting game-points.

"Do this so that you'll get enough merit to enter Jannah. Why? Because Jannah is the happiest place ever. You can get anything you want!"

"Fear Allah because He will punish you, because He is Powerful. Yes, He is Merciful but it is not a sign of respect if you say you love Him. How can you Fear someone you Love? Better to Fear than Love."

It always made me feel like I'm in the wrong for feeling like we are all just being selfish and greedy by wanting to enter Jannah because it's a wonderful place and not because it means our love is His and He loves us.

It always made me wonder if any one of my God-fearing (but not loving) classmates would end up resenting Him for all the punishments He gave but will not be grateful for the even greater Blessings and gifts He showered us with.

Also, the 6 years in the madrasah were filled with failed attempts to explain religion scientifically because, I suspect probably quite correctly, that the teachers do not see science or philosophy as integral aspects of dakwah and do not promote questions among their students. They are really just reciters of what they've learned before.

It's in the books written by other scholars, therefore, it must be true. No need to cross-reference with science or philosophy.

I am blessed to have gone to an Islamic University to study Architecture. Architecture students are taught to question everything. Our favourite question is "why" and so it is to no surprise that we were the more eager to understand beyond the written statements of scholars about Islam. If there is a philosophy behind it, we wanted to understand that. If Islam is the truth, we wanted to see how science is explained and accepted in Islam.

We questioned but not to raise anarchy. We questioned to eradicate those inkling of doubt that came in our heads when logic did not mesh up with what the teachers of our youthful madrasah preached about.

One of the first things I learned from the numerous religious classes by the university is that our religion is about knowledge. The first revelation that was sent down to Our Prophet Muhammad (SAW) by Jibril (AS) is "Read". Searching for knowledge is a kind of Islamic jihad. Well, if you make it your Islamic jihad, of course.

So it saddens me when these teachers who had the first chance to dip their knowledge into the minds and hearts of young Muslims aren't well-versed in philosophy and science, enough to answer the simple yet profound questions that came from children. They will shape our children's perspective of Islam and what we fear is the blind faith of those racing to be the ones with the most points to get into Jannah, greedy for the material rewards awaiting them.

Let's instil the greed for Allah's Love and Mercy in ourselves and our children.
Let's not let them think only of the many nubile virgins, delicious foods and wonderful rewards waiting for them if they go through motions and rituals.
Let's not assume their questions are not important enough to be answered seriously.

Bismillah and InsyaAllah.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Conquered by the Scandinavian.

Part of my job is to look for trends and websites for one of our lifestyle magazines. Recently, I compiled a trend page on Scandinavian furniture.I think I'm falling in love with the cosiness and masculine protective vibe that Scandinavian designed rooms exude. Here are some photos I borrowed from +obsessilicious. I couldn't find the sources for most of these so I can only point you all to the blog that I sourced it from.

I've added some comments on why I'm particularly drawn to these photos.

Enjoy the domestic Viking voyage below! :)

What I love about Scandinavian design style is how eclectic the furniture is allowed to get yet the room sustains a very homey and cosy ambience. 

I love the combination of the fluted timber wall and glass curtain wall. This picture is hauntingly beautiful especially because of how the vegetation indoors is more lush than those outdoors.

Low concrete ceiling and gorgeous mix of designer chairs. Not to mention the splendid view of the courtyard. How 'secret agent' is this?

If there's exposed roof trusses, I'll be staring upwards with a beatific smile plastered on my face. Combine this with a glass atrium and gorgeous trees blocking the views from outsiders. Imagine this room at night. Very bachelor-pad-ish but I'm betting this gets the guy lucky.

This is more modern, to my opinion. Especially with the neutral tones found in finishing and matching furniture. The design is not so harsh because of the curvaceous furniture and lush outdoor view.

A sunken kitchen! I love level changes in homes. It signifies the room boundaries without being overly closed-up and exclusive. And, of course, the timber finishes makes the kitchen more inviting and cosy.

A modern rugged take. Very minimal in furniture choice, finishings and layout but incredibly cosy.

I must admit that the bookshelves caught my eyes in this one. I don't really like the fireplace being soooo near to all those books. It looks unsafe for humans and literature.

The timber plank walls! The black stone flooring! And I'm guessing (or hoping) that the stairs are a mix of marble slabs and steel. Sexy materials all in one room. 

I'm not a fan of too much clutter (even though my room is in a constant state of clutter) but the dining table with mixed designs of chairs always remind me of the Mad Hatter's tea table, which I love and want for my own.

More glass curtain walls with huge trees outdoors! Not a fan of the bare concrete bricks walls paired with the Scandinavian furniture, though. Somehow, it doesn't mesh well.

Anyone who knows me understands my obsession with patterns. I also have an obsessive adoration to material juxtaposing. This photo is incredibly sexy to my eyes and I can only imagine running my hands along the fenestrations and grooves.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Sink or swim : Friendship

The concept of friendship is something that becomes clearer the older you get and the more mistakes you make (as in the more fake friends, toxic friends or mismatched friends). I think there must be so many labels out there on these "negative" friends yet the simplest "true friend" is enough to encompass all that is positive from this relationship.

Friendship, to me, has always been a more important aspect in life than romance (maybe because I lack the latter in my life thus far) and so I may over-think the things concerning friends. Fall-outs happen and I try to figure out why it happened and whether it could have been prevented.

Whatever it is, it's a relationship between two people. And like a relationship of romantic love, you need to work things out. Communication, trust, balance. If you don't have those, no relationship may work, even the unconditional love ones with your family.

Sometimes people are not aware of how they hurt you. Most of the time, good intentions turn into bad situations but I've always believed that this always happens if you're not being true to yourself. We, being human, like to dress up our selfish needs as good intentions. Come on. Don't deny it.

But just be careful to not be toxic to your friends as well as not to keep friends who are toxic to you.
(Here is a helpful page to help you identify you toxic friends or, God forbid, your own toxic traits)

If you're doing a favour, do it because you really are sincere and not because you want a reward.
If you're lending a helping hand, help because you know you are able to and your friend is in need and not because you want to look good or get some brownie points out of it.
If you actually have some hope or expectations of a reward or payment, tell them. If they are really a friend to you, they'd appreciate the honesty.
If you just can't seem to be honest with them, well, what's the point anyway?

The older you get, the oftener you tend to count your true friends. But why don't we make a difference here by counting how many people we are being true friends to. 

I'm still working on being a friend when you're in need. InsyaAllah I'll be a better one in the future. Bismillah.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Lover of Lines

A couple of pages from my moleskine. I'm thinking of turning these into embroidery / canvas artwork. It would be nice to run your fingers over those lines and feel a sort of texture, yes?

Friday, July 13, 2012

Warm hearts.

I've been watching Internet Icon on Youtube and it's getting more fun day by day. My favourites are The Fu Music and Brothers Riedell.

This video is the sweetest. :)

I hope someday you'll be my home, insyaAllah.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Mid-year Updates and Check-ups.

I haven't updated anything personal for quite some time. I have been keeping a written journal just to unleash the sometimes overwhelming adoration I feel towards him, so that is not a necessary topic to put here. Just know that I am happy and delighted to have found someone I can joke freely and talk deeply to. Alhamdulillah. If He feels this to be the best for us, then let it be the best we want.

I got into RCA. Mixed feelings about this as I'll be leaving behind a home I've known for 28 years and finally venturing out on my own. This is scary regardless of how old you are when the time comes. I just think I'm lucky to have the chance after technology has made the world a smaller place. Skype, WhatsApp, Viber and all kinds of communication tools to keep me in touch with the other side of the world.

We're at the other half of 2012 already. I think it's time to check the resolutions made and see how we've been so far, don't you?

Be nicer, be smarter, be stronger, be prettier.
I think being a bit more positive this year by being more grateful and realising that I have debts to pay Him, I've tried to be a better person. There's no limit to being nice and I think I still need more work there.

Working in editorial after a long hiatus has taught me a lot. This time around, I'm learning new tricks and re-learning forgotten ones.

I still cry easily but it doesn't mean I give up. There's no harm in giving in to some tears but there's a lot of wasted time in giving in to self-pity. And getting older makes me realise that time goes by so effortlessly fast and progressing with it is a much better thing to do than dwelling on pasts.

My self-esteem problem is not as terrible as before and therefore, I feel much more attractive. But I should probably work on being more healthy and fit.

At least 20 non-fiction books must be consumed.
This is terrible. I haven't done anything about this. And I'm going to be a M.Phil student soon. How embarrassing!

Tawbah, Tawakal, Sabar. Repeat daily.
Sometimes I forget. Nauzubillahiminzalik. I need to work harder on the "repeat daily" part there.

Write something daily. Draw something daily.

Have been writing daily since it's part of my job. Haven't been drawing daily, though. Might need to remedy that. Maybe at least an hour with my moleskine every night?

So far, this year has been a good year. I am blessed, alhamdulillah. I hope I deserved every single blessing. If I don't yet, I hope I shall continue working on deserving all this.

I hope the year has been kind to all of you too. Remember that difficulties may be tests from Him but that also means a chance to "increase your CGPA" with Him. So let's all work hard because it's not the end until the end of our breath.

Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Sets of Pillars

Being a ( self-proclaimed ) Architecture Nerd, I am expected to be obsessed with building elements. Like pillars.

But this post is not going to be about those tangible posts that help sustain the roof, the walls and even the floors as well as help communicate the foundation to the structures above. ( sigh )


This post is about the religious pillars. ( No, not those you found in prayer halls. )


There's a bad habit among us. We tend to be fairly single-track-minded bunch of people so we forget that there are the Pillars of Islam and there are also the Pillars of Imaan. I'm not saying we forget how to recite them. I'm just observing how we don't really try to have a proper understanding of these pillars, which I believe ( since they are called 'pillars' anyway ) are the main things we need to focus and strengthen on.

Sure, you may argue that you have been upholding and practising the 5 Pillars of Islam ( Or maybe 4 since Hajj is for those who are able to) daily. But rituals don't make you a proper Muslim. Have we been focusing on our faith too?

Have we been deepening your understanding of the 6 Pillars of Imaan?
Have we been accepting Qada' and Qadar and understanding the philosophy of life?
Have we been studying about the end of days and death and afterlife?
Have we been reading of the prophets and gleaning lessons from them?
Have we been reading the revealed books, not just the Quran?
Have we been aware of the existence of the angels and their jobs and how we encounter them every day, really?
Have we been believing Him as we should strongly believe in Him because we believe in all that He has created and given?

( I always believe that the 6 pillars of Imaan is arranged according to how important and deep your belief gets once you've achieved them. Therefore, I think people start to have faith when they try to understand philosophy in life and after-life. And that leads to learning from examples that are from the prophets and the revealed books. And then we attain the proper belief to the intangible beings and all creation. This leads to a string belief of Allah, the Great Creator. )

I think the 5 pillars of Islam that we build will be just empty rituals if we don't have the 6 pillars of Imaan readied in our hearts.

Let's look at it constructively. We can't build 6 pillars on top of 5 pillars. Our building will collapse. Therefore, have faith ( which we can strengthen through understanding ) before we can build our Islamic self. So that the Muslim in us is not and empty veneer but something that withstands loads because we have our Imaan.

That is why it is scary to meet those who practise the 5 pillars but refuse to do more than verbally dictate the pillars of Imaan without eradicating any rising doubts within them. It's ok to question your belief so long as you strive to find the answers with an open-mind ( and question with an open-mind ). Be a quality Muslim. Know and understand why you pray and believe.

When your Imaan is strong and your practice is fulfilled, here is where Ihsan should be attained as best as you can.

Bismillah and InsyaAllah.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Of gratitude and hope.

He makes me want to throw myself into work and in a good way, because every time I think of him, I see the future and I know I want so badly to secure that, to be the best for him and us. So I need to be responsible for myself first. I need to find a balance of dependence and independence to equip myself, or us, with the strength to endure what the future holds.

They say realists are usually negative. Well I know that is really just what a negative person would say to validate their opinions, by claiming to be realists. I believe that your state of mind let's you see the choices you have to reach the goal. If you don't believe in your goal, you can't possibly believe in a real journey to reach it, can you?

I know that when I am alone, it is so hard to believe that I've found him, or he found me, but it just feels so natural when we're together. Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah.

I need to remember that always.

Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah.

Monday, May 7, 2012

An Anecdote on Personal Views.

When you're young and voicing out your opinions immediately makes you feel so smart and wise beyond your years. It's the selfish pride of having opinions, really. Sometimes utterly baseless. Sometimes filled with projections and anecdotes to satisfy a very biased perspective. Sometimes purely self-indulgent to the point of believing the path you are on is the only right path and anyone who agrees with you are also smart and wise and beyond their years.

A youth starts off tottering and jostled about by the current of objectivity. The innate urge to be 'awesome' and amount to something puts energy into your rebellious mind and you start to swim upstream, feeling all powerful against the current. But then again, my dear, all salmons swim upstream to die the same death.

Enter the point of believing you are the savior, the maverick, the hero everybody is waiting for. Your every word, every emotional outburst, every creation is a gift from God. You hold to that belief. They will start to see it your way. And then they'll be on the right path. Your ideas will stir the mass into an inspired confusion of admiration. Oh this what you see in your bubble of air, safe and sound from the "mass" but indifferent to those similarly trapped in their personal bubbles.

Come out, child. Burst your bubble. Don't worry much because the air is sweeter out here. Look around and realise that you are not alone. Everybody is in an infinitely wide pool, seemingly aimless but surely they swim to a point only they can see. Question them if you can't see what they see but never try to steer them to a course they do not need or want to go to. If you are lucky, they'll let you in for a while and you can sip a bit of their air in their flavour of choice. You might not like it but please be polite and take a taste. You might be surprised how flavours added to yours can create an entirely new and wonderful kind of vision.

Get high and visit their castles in the air and maybe your own will start to look more solid and real and no storm can break it away from that pinnacle of success you're climbing to.

Good luck. If you crash, fear not. Not everybody is stuck in their own bubble or floating aimlessly along the current. Sometimes you'll find another soul flitting around like you. If you crash, there'll be others to help you up, if you say please.

Good luck and think again and again.

Thursday, April 26, 2012


I love it when you start to talk about your theories on how music has a formulaic design to it, how religion keeps us sane and calm, how philosophy keeps us questioning the questionable beliefs, how conspiracy theories conspire, how science randomly bites the scientists up their hypotheses…

And when you tease and taunt me. And your wide cheeky smile blooms. And you throw back your head to give out your insanely naughty laugh. And when you stop and stare again at me. And when you stroke my head lovingly. And when you whisper pet names.

You have got to be the sexiest man I’ve ever dated.

I must’ve done something right in life or I should start to do so just so that I deserve you.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Jobless no more!

Senior Writer.

Try saying that with a wide smile and a dreamy gaze in the eyes. That's how I say it.

*smiles dreamily* Senior Writer.

I'm back to doing something that I've always enjoyed (and hopefully prove to have a talent for). I'm writing for architecture, design and interior magazines. I used to work part-time as an Editorial Assistant for Blueprint Asia way back when I was taking my M.A. This time around, I'm working full time as a Senior Writer for 2 magazines!

It's not so strenuous, I hope, since both of the magazines aren't monthly issues. Home Concepts is bi-monthly whereas SPACE is issued quarterly.


I'm just thoroughly happy that I get to do what I love to do.

*adjusts imaginary Architecture Nerd glasses because I'm actually wearing contact lenses*

Monday, February 27, 2012

I see you everywhere.

I think, for most of us, what we find attractive is really a sort of familiarity because it evokes fond memories of peaceful times. Also, familiarity is a consistency and consistency shows stability. We are attracted to familiar faces because, in love, we crave nothing more than stability.

But we didn’t stop to think if it’ll hurt to see the faces that remind us of the ones that didn’t work out.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Sunday Breakfast Club

I've had the best childhood because of my neighbours. Somehow, especially after high school and entering uni, we drifted apart, which is strange seeing that we literally live in a row and only a fence away from the next house.

Have to thank twitter, though. Setting up a breakfast get-together got even easier because of instant updates. We should do this more often. :)

Here are yours truly, my sister Afi, Kak Ima, Nayya and Shahida. Kak Tisha was supposed to join us but she hit the snooze button. :(

 Photos stolen from Kak Ima's facebook album. ;)

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Give it up.

I'm so sorry.
I'm so so sorry.

But maybe. Quite possibly.
I am supposed to give up on waiting for something that's never promised for me.

I've been crying at intervals for the past couple of days. I'm trying to come to terms. There are people fated to be found and there are people fated to be alone. The strength is leaving me. I have more reasons to stop believing in a love out there for me. I'm 27 years old and all the relationships I had never lasted longer than a year and I had to change myself, sometimes entirely, to fit another person's ideal. I am always the one to make the first moves. I detected their desires and I changed accordingly and lived a lie, knowing deep inside that one day they'd leave me.

So what gives me the right to believe that there is someone out there who'd love and accept me entirely when that has never happened in my whole life?

What gives me the right to believe that I deserve to be loved?

Stupid girl.

Stop being so stupid.

Give up already. Give up and move on.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Logo Design for a client.

These are the first 3 proposals I came up with for a client's new brand.

I like to ask the client for their own choice of objects or concept before getting inspired and coming up with something that meets their criteria with my style and touches.

So mean.

I get it but you don't have to be so mean.
They don't have to be people who are close to me.
They can be strangers.

You know that little match-girl story? I am that girl and you are every single match I light up to get some warmth from. But in your light, you dream of something far far better than me.

I get it and you don't have to be so mean.

Monday, January 30, 2012

After the Pre-Marriage Course.

I attended a pre-marriage course this weekend in TTDI. I'm not getting married any time soon (I think) because I was there to accompany my friend. Her fiancé has already attended the course so I, as usual, am the chosen one to accompany someone's fiancée or wife. (Seriously, leave your girlfriend, fiancée or wife to me and don't worry. I make sure she has a good time without another man. *wriggle eyebrows* I can get testimonials.)

I don't have to gab about what the talks in this course is all about. Go take it yourself. The certificate lasts for a lifetime, although I'm pretty sure a woman kinda has her "expiry date". God knows. :P

But this is what I learned about the young Malay Muslim couples (soon to be young newly-weds):

1 ) Most guys' reason for marriage is to "menghalalkan yang haram dan mendapat kepuasan". And oh how excitedly they admit this.

2) Most girls know the price of gold per 100g. And they want Prada. And SKII.

3) Most couples were shocked to learn that the cost for marriage is roughly RM30000 above.

4) Most guys think it's exciting when the ustaz / ustazah talk about polygamy... and they're not even married yet to the fiancées they accompany to the course.

5) Most girls don't even know that your husbands demands and words are rules and the biggest sin is to go against his wishes. And yes, oral sex must be done to satisfy your husband if you're having your menses.

So in conclusion, most couples don't even realise how big a step they're taking in life AND the hereafter. We Muslims don't say "till death do us part". No. Marriage is a bond that transcends death.

Marry the one you want to enter Jannah with, not the one you want to enter the bedroom with.

Thursday, January 26, 2012


It is strange how the only one who has never given up on me is that one person I never got to have. It is strange how the only one who came to rescue me is the one who've broken my heart the most in the past. It is strange how the only one who thinks I'd make a great wife is the one who is not in love with me.

It is strange how I feel more loved and cared for by this person than by any of those who has ever said those "I love you"s and "I will marry you"s to me.

The absence of promises and lies. The baring of souls between two people who has no secrets left to keep from each other. I think we must've gone through all kinds of deal-breakers in our friendship but no dent is made.

Strange how we can say we know each other so well , yet we know so little of each other's lives. We've never spoken to each other of our families, or our past loves in detail, or our childhood memories.

If by any chance he might stumble upon this and read and recognise himself in these words, I have always had a soft spot for you ever since we first met. I don't know why. I tried not to but it's fated that our paths cross ever so often, we pick up things as if there were no time between our last.

Whatever happens in our future, you know I'll always have your back and I know you're never far away. You are a friend that I care deeply for.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Murmurs turn to beats.

I was born with heart murmurs caused by aortic regurgitation. This was how my heart sounded like. I went through heart surgery at the age of 6 and it's fixed.

Aortic regurgitation means that the pumped blood leaks back into the heart and, in time, the heart grows larger so that it can pump out more blood. According to the doctors, I could've died of big-heartedness by the age of 12. Symptoms are fatigue and weakness, almost life-threatening.

I was born with a defected aortic valve and the only reason the doctors found this out was because I defecated in during labour. That is a distress signal from the baby.

I like to tell people I was "born with a broken heart" and I "went through a lot of shit" to get to live till today.

Alhamdulillah, I have always been a survivor. :)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

30 Day Drawing Challenge - Day 3

My favourite food is petai. Sambal petai ke. Petai celor ke. Fresh petai ke. Couple with budu ke. With tempoyak ke.

Petai is perfection even in its smelliness.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

30 Day Drawing Challenge - Day 2

My favourite animal. 
If you ask this animal what's my favourite band, you'll get the answer.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

30 Day Drawing Challenge - Day 1

I decided to do this 30 Day Drawing Challenge. Let's hope I'm disciplined enough to finish this.

This is Day 1.

I love the moon. I love lines. I dress in basic colours. I wear the hijab. I am trying to reach for the impossible. Or improbable.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Motions and Rest

What I want to do most of the time is drive slowly through quietened cities at ungodly hours with a playlist that makes me want to glide down endless roads. See how the buildings give out a more subdued urban feel, the kind of feeling you get when a paternal figure sings a lullaby in soft tones and deep voice and you can read the protectiveness beneath the strength. The lights, harshly reflected on passing cars, are shy observers that wait for me to go by without a thank you but I can't imagine the city without its yellow-washed midnight glamour.

And someone to sit beside me, static and loyal and familiar, as we move through the emptiness as if we own every single corner of the city. The past, the present, the future, all tossed into this mix of motions and rest.

A love like that. A love like a mix of motions and rest where we are in constant play of gestures and words and situations yet we find, subliminally, the rest we most desperately need within each other. A love like that. I should hope to have.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Oh what have I been up to now...

I crocheted a puff-stitch slouchy beanie in pink and it looks cute!

My mum bought 2 prints from me to give away as wedding gifts. I had to frame them up nicely. The added borders costed me a lot. -__- But I really like how it brings out the lines and colours.

And I made some name-cards. :)

I love my hobbies.

Concrete Love.

I swear I am totally in love with PJ Trade Centre. Yes, the building. Every time I drive past it, I feel like a school girl walking past her crush's classroom. Honestly, I did not expect to love the building this much. Most buildings that impress me on magazine spreads disappoint me in real life.

For instance, Lasalle College of The Arts in Singapore. There was a time where every local or Asian architecture magazine gushed over how beautiful the building is and videos kept popping up with the building as a setting. I couldn't wait to see the building in real life.

Unfortunately, it did not take my breath away. In my opinion, it felt very much like walking through a blown up conceptual model by an architecture student, placed in a space because there happened to be a space.

That did not happen when I visited PJ Trade Centre for the first time. I love the contrast of materials. I love the joints. I love the colours. I love the transparency of its walls. I love the language it speaks.

My students thought I was crazy as I smiled lovingly at the concrete walls and ran my hands over the fair-faced exposed brick walls.

By the way, I stole these photos from their official website.

I can't wait to go there to pay my taxes.

(Oh the smartest subliminal tyranny our government probably unintentionally carried out.)

Monday, January 2, 2012

My granny hobbies consume me.

I have granny hobbies. Yup. I love knitting and crocheting.

Knitted soft wool skinny scarf - RM100

Crocheted slouchy beanie - RM10

Crocheted Red + Black pouch - RM30

Crocheted Black + Red pouch - RM30

Crocheted White + Blue pouch -RM30

Crocheted Blue + White pouch - RM30

All these are available items. Email me if interested : or leave a comment.