Warm hearts.

I've been watching Internet Icon on Youtube and it's getting more fun day by day. My favourites are The Fu Music and Brothers Riedell.

This video is the sweetest. :)





I hope someday you'll be my home, insyaAllah.

Mid-year Updates and Check-ups.

I haven't updated anything personal for quite some time. I have been keeping a written journal just to unleash the sometimes overwhelming adoration I feel towards him, so that is not a necessary topic to put here. Just know that I am happy and delighted to have found someone I can joke freely and talk deeply to. Alhamdulillah. If He feels this to be the best for us, then let it be the best we want.

I got into RCA. Mixed feelings about this as I'll be leaving behind a home I've known for 28 years and finally venturing out on my own. This is scary regardless of how old you are when the time comes. I just think I'm lucky to have the chance after technology has made the world a smaller place. Skype, WhatsApp, Viber and all kinds of communication tools to keep me in touch with the other side of the world.

We're at the other half of 2012 already. I think it's time to check the resolutions made and see how we've been so far, don't you?

Be nicer, be smarter, be stronger, be prettier.

I think being a bit more positive this year by being more grateful and realising that I have debts to pay Him, I've tried to be a better person. There's no limit to being nice and I think I still need more work there.

Working in editorial after a long hiatus has taught me a lot. This time around, I'm learning new tricks and re-learning forgotten ones.

I still cry easily but it doesn't mean I give up. There's no harm in giving in to some tears but there's a lot of wasted time in giving in to self-pity. And getting older makes me realise that time goes by so effortlessly fast and progressing with it is a much better thing to do than dwelling on pasts.

My self-esteem problem is not as terrible as before and therefore, I feel much more attractive. But I should probably work on being more healthy and fit.

At least 20 non-fiction books must be consumed.

This is terrible. I haven't done anything about this. And I'm going to be a M.Phil student soon. How embarrassing!

Tawbah, Tawakal, Sabar. Repeat daily.

Sometimes I forget. Nauzubillahiminzalik. I need to work harder on the "repeat daily" part there.

Write something daily. Draw something daily.

Have been writing daily since it's part of my job. Haven't been drawing daily, though. Might need to remedy that. Maybe at least an hour with my moleskine every night?





So far, this year has been a good year. I am blessed, alhamdulillah. I hope I deserved every single blessing. If I don't yet, I hope I shall continue working on deserving all this.

I hope the year has been kind to all of you too. Remember that difficulties may be tests from Him but that also means a chance to "increase your CGPA" with Him. So let's all work hard because it's not the end until the end of our breath.

Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah.

Sets of Pillars

Being a ( self-proclaimed ) Architecture Nerd, I am expected to be obsessed with building elements. Like pillars.

But this post is not going to be about those tangible posts that help sustain the roof, the walls and even the floors as well as help communicate the foundation to the structures above. ( sigh )

Nope.

This post is about the religious pillars. ( No, not those you found in prayer halls. )

Ok.

There's a bad habit among us. We tend to be fairly single-track-minded bunch of people so we forget that there are the Pillars of Islam and there are also the Pillars of Imaan. I'm not saying we forget how to recite them. I'm just observing how we don't really try to have a proper understanding of these pillars, which I believe ( since they are called 'pillars' anyway ) are the main things we need to focus and strengthen on.

Sure, you may argue that you have been upholding and practising the 5 Pillars of Islam ( Or maybe 4 since Hajj is for those who are able to) daily. But rituals don't make you a proper Muslim. Have we been focusing on our faith too?

Have we been deepening your understanding of the 6 Pillars of Imaan?
Have we been accepting Qada' and Qadar and understanding the philosophy of life?
Have we been studying about the end of days and death and afterlife?
Have we been reading of the prophets and gleaning lessons from them?
Have we been reading the revealed books, not just the Quran?
Have we been aware of the existence of the angels and their jobs and how we encounter them every day, really?
Have we been believing Him as we should strongly believe in Him because we believe in all that He has created and given?

( I always believe that the 6 pillars of Imaan is arranged according to how important and deep your belief gets once you've achieved them. Therefore, I think people start to have faith when they try to understand philosophy in life and after-life. And that leads to learning from examples that are from the prophets and the revealed books. And then we attain the proper belief to the intangible beings and all creation. This leads to a string belief of Allah, the Great Creator. )

I think the 5 pillars of Islam that we build will be just empty rituals if we don't have the 6 pillars of Imaan readied in our hearts.

Let's look at it constructively. We can't build 6 pillars on top of 5 pillars. Our building will collapse. Therefore, have faith ( which we can strengthen through understanding ) before we can build our Islamic self. So that the Muslim in us is not and empty veneer but something that withstands loads because we have our Imaan.

That is why it is scary to meet those who practise the 5 pillars but refuse to do more than verbally dictate the pillars of Imaan without eradicating any rising doubts within them. It's ok to question your belief so long as you strive to find the answers with an open-mind ( and question with an open-mind ). Be a quality Muslim. Know and understand why you pray and believe.

When your Imaan is strong and your practice is fulfilled, here is where Ihsan should be attained as best as you can.

Bismillah and InsyaAllah.

Of gratitude and hope.

He makes me want to throw myself into work and in a good way, because every time I think of him, I see the future and I know I want so badly to secure that, to be the best for him and us. So I need to be responsible for myself first. I need to find a balance of dependence and independence to equip myself, or us, with the strength to endure what the future holds.

They say realists are usually negative. Well I know that is really just what a negative person would say to validate their opinions, by claiming to be realists. I believe that your state of mind let's you see the choices you have to reach the goal. If you don't believe in your goal, you can't possibly believe in a real journey to reach it, can you?

I know that when I am alone, it is so hard to believe that I've found him, or he found me, but it just feels so natural when we're together. Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah.

I need to remember that always.

Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah.

An Anecdote on Personal Views.

When you're young and voicing out your opinions immediately makes you feel so smart and wise beyond your years. It's the selfish pride of having opinions, really. Sometimes utterly baseless. Sometimes filled with projections and anecdotes to satisfy a very biased perspective. Sometimes purely self-indulgent to the point of believing the path you are on is the only right path and anyone who agrees with you are also smart and wise and beyond their years.

A youth starts off tottering and jostled about by the current of objectivity. The innate urge to be 'awesome' and amount to something puts energy into your rebellious mind and you start to swim upstream, feeling all powerful against the current. But then again, my dear, all salmons swim upstream to die the same death.

Enter the point of believing you are the savior, the maverick, the hero everybody is waiting for. Your every word, every emotional outburst, every creation is a gift from God. You hold to that belief. They will start to see it your way. And then they'll be on the right path. Your ideas will stir the mass into an inspired confusion of admiration. Oh this what you see in your bubble of air, safe and sound from the "mass" but indifferent to those similarly trapped in their personal bubbles.

Come out, child. Burst your bubble. Don't worry much because the air is sweeter out here. Look around and realise that you are not alone. Everybody is in an infinitely wide pool, seemingly aimless but surely they swim to a point only they can see. Question them if you can't see what they see but never try to steer them to a course they do not need or want to go to. If you are lucky, they'll let you in for a while and you can sip a bit of their air in their flavour of choice. You might not like it but please be polite and take a taste. You might be surprised how flavours added to yours can create an entirely new and wonderful kind of vision.

Get high and visit their castles in the air and maybe your own will start to look more solid and real and no storm can break it away from that pinnacle of success you're climbing to.

Good luck. If you crash, fear not. Not everybody is stuck in their own bubble or floating aimlessly along the current. Sometimes you'll find another soul flitting around like you. If you crash, there'll be others to help you up, if you say please.

Good luck and think again and again.

Love,

I love it when you start to talk about your theories on how music has a formulaic design to it, how religion keeps us sane and calm, how philosophy keeps us questioning the questionable beliefs, how conspiracy theories conspire, how science randomly bites the scientists up their hypotheses…

And when you tease and taunt me. And your wide cheeky smile blooms. And you throw back your head to give out your insanely naughty laugh. And when you stop and stare again at me. And when you stroke my head lovingly. And when you whisper pet names.

You have got to be the sexiest man I’ve ever dated.




I must’ve done something right in life or I should start to do so just so that I deserve you.

Jobless no more!

Senior Writer.

Try saying that with a wide smile and a dreamy gaze in the eyes. That's how I say it.

*smiles dreamily* Senior Writer.

I'm back to doing something that I've always enjoyed (and hopefully prove to have a talent for). I'm writing for architecture, design and interior magazines. I used to work part-time as an Editorial Assistant for Blueprint Asia way back when I was taking my M.A. This time around, I'm working full time as a Senior Writer for 2 magazines!

It's not so strenuous, I hope, since both of the magazines aren't monthly issues. Home Concepts is bi-monthly whereas SPACE is issued quarterly.

:)

I'm just thoroughly happy that I get to do what I love to do.

*adjusts imaginary Architecture Nerd glasses because I'm actually wearing contact lenses*